It's times like this where you tell yourself it is a silly and reckless thing to do but then again you ask yourself- is it that silly and reckless?
Sometimes I feel like shutting my mind down and just ignore all senses. I think being a monk or a nun has it's perks, to be completely devoid of the surroundings, and very often that turbulence within us. I'm making things hard for myself. I'm making things difficult for myself. I'm a schemer and a self-abuser and unless I can convince my tormentor to stop abusing me, I might one day submit to this treachery and be silent, forever.