You know those times when you listed down everything you needed to do in a day but you ended up doing a quarter of it and other non related stuff because, well, lets face it-You're not anything of a planner? I believe I should have done at least one Maths past year in the past 3 hours or at least looked at my A2 Integration notes because I have a class test next Monday. Not to mention today is the start of October and for no reasons whatsoever or maybe there is an underlined meaning to it in which I may have failed to understand, I think I just forgotten something profound which I wanted to say.

Anyways, here am I, sitting on my yellow folding chair cushioned by two flat cushions and watching How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory for free for 72 minutes and sipping the now cold and diluted Starbucks coffee and laughing in sudden bursts at Barney and actually finding some profundity in some of the conversations between Ted and some girl and between Robin and Barney. I guess Sheldon makes me laugh the most because he likes trains and is really quite adorable in an annoying way although I do not find him annoying at all. But really I think I find that girl Amy the brain (researcher? surgeon?) the funniest because she is such a presumtious nerd. And did I say she is a brain ( researcher? surgeon?).

And then I watched some Lev Yilmaz's Tales Of Mere Existence and Observations and Other Profound Artistic Films and I find myself laughing and thinking and laughing and tweeting about it but saving them tweets all in drafts because I do not want people to think that I am a compulsive Tweeterholic, kinda like how I am a compulsive shopperholic. I realized Shopperholic already meant Compulsive Shopper so adding the adjective before the word is kinda like how Chinese(or Malaysian Chinese)like to say:" I kill you till you die." But being a -Holic, no matter how obsessive you are, there is always a scale of 1 to 10, A to F, and Bloodygoodnessgracious to Meh. I think I have just crossed a 5, a B and maybe a Wowthatsrich, so all in all I'm quite a Compulsive, but I did drafted my tweets, which showed that I do use my brains to think sometimes, and not that I want people to notice me by noticing how few my tweets are these days. And starting a whole tweeting fest in a burst and deleting them all at another moment because, really, who gives a fuc-

But I digress.

I think I refused to admit that I like to watch comedies because it makes me laugh and take the feeling of "out of place" down sometimes and I do Maths because it makes me think of nothing but solutions solutions find the x find the y prove this equation your whole goddamnit life is depending on it, exclamation mark.

But I digress.

I don't want to sound like a sappy forlorn chick who walks along the beach and looks out into the vast sealand and thinks of all the sappy sad thoughts and then hits an epiphany that she really is small in this world and there are other really dire situations that other sad people face so she should stop brooding over it and be positive. It would be like doing laundry and dropping them on the floor and having to do them again. I just realized the laundry anecdote is a bad example.

But I digress.

I also don't want to sound like some happy fake girl who thinks life is full of rainbow and fluffy kittens and nice people and happiness and everything-is-going-to-be-alrights because that's stupid. And not to mention Lyinnng. Which I don't think it's such a bad idea because I have been lying all my life, either on the bed or on the floor. Genuine happiness, now that is not a bad thing.

But I digress.

I did. Well, stared forlornly out into the oblivion in a certain Subway shop during a rather slow line. I was thinking about something, or someone. Or is it a dream?Either ways I stared into nothing today and the person infront of me have to wave his hand infront of my face, like how people wave their hands infront of other people's face in TV shows or movies or novels. Thus, breaking my train of thoughts and making me realized," Whoa kiddo, you are such an embarrassment," And the thought just stopped there because nowadays I do not tend to brood on one matter too long and tend to be impulsive with my actions and maybe that is my problem and downfall.

But I digress.

I kept filing my coffee paper cup with water because I do not want it to be empty. Plus it's a tad too sweet. I guess there is some profundity there but I just went down to hang up my laundry and my train of thoughts just got cut off.

But I digress.

While I was down there hanging up my laundry, I was thinking about my mum, and how disappointed she might be if I do not bring back good results. And there are only 18 days left and how I was such a jerk and the reason she probably did not call me often like before is because I ranted that she did it too many a times and maybe to add in the fear, she wants to see if I really can bring back good results all by myself, without her calling every night to nag me about it, and if I don't I can say goodbye to my iPhone and freedom and fucking other stuff because I yelled at her for calling and she's probably like me, or me like her, and went angry and threw tantrums in the form of which I just described and making me feel guilty with a touch of fear. I just realized I made some grammatical mistakes in this sentence above and I wish the sadness of it might mask the mistakes somehow.

But I digress.

I think by this last paragraph I will somehow get a grip together and start completing my to-do list like how I successfully did last weekend and start acting like an adult, whoever that may be. And maybe stop trying so hard (i.e. play silly mind games, think of playing silly mind games, etc) and just be me, whoever that may be. And of course after writing this down I may or may not feel better and maybe I will brood over my oneness and loneliness and lostness and sadness and failureness tomorrow, but there is an alternate plausibility that I will not, because today is a Saturday-although it feels like a Sunday, fearful, fast, sunny even during rainy days and God send-and because tomorrow might be The Day when everything will be great, no matter if I have grown maturely stupid or stupidly mature.Either way it is the same.

*Insert Profound Statements*